We are cordially invited to Maestro’s sweet 16!

Maestro is a professional actor in Chicago, Illinois. You might have seen him in the critically acclaimed drama, The Wire. Have you seen it? ANYWAY, music is his passion and Jermaine Dupri just signed him to his label and is also throwing Maestro his Super Sweet 16…

Maestro goes to Lucky Strike Lanes, the bowling alley/club space. If it’s anything like the Lucky Strike I live by, only yuppies and corporations throw parties there. I don’t think any of them would be invited to Maestro’s party.

Maestro and Jermaine go clothes shopping, because Maestro needs to be the fliest boy there. Later he sits with Jermaine to go over his birthday plans. He wants a red carpet, ice sculptures, pyrotechnics, and at the top of the list is a Range Rover. Jermaine grimaces and offers to buy him a bike instead. “I’m not a pizza deliver boy!” yells Maestro.

The next day Maestro and his friends go to a bar to pick model/waitresses for the party. The girls who will be picked have to be 10s across the board. He asks them some personal questions and then he asks them to dance. These girls are a little older than 16, and I imagine they feel a little awkward dancing in front of the gawking boys. It’s not illegal, just gross. The girls are then picked, they’re excited, and that is that.

For the invitations, Maestro will be handing out spray-painted bowling pins and CD sleeves with the party address printed on them. Correction, the wrong party addresses on them. Maestro is shocked that the printer made such an error, but having worked in publishing I can tell you that the printer was probably given the wrong address.

Maestro gets a DJ for the party. Maestro tries to explain what he wants – mostly hip hop – but The DJ reassures him. After all, he’s DJed for Jay Z, Bill Clinton, and Dave Matthews. I DJed for Gwen Stefani once…there’s no story beyond that; I just wanted to brag.

Maestro finally gets to handing out the invitations. Is it just me, or did this segment take a long time to develop? Guests will receive the So So Def gift pack, which is cool, but giving label merchandise to your friends is kind of tacky. Also, some of his friends look like the polar opposite of hip hop.

The next day he has to get iced up with Jermaine with a semi-scary Asian man who has a completely scary grill. The boys decide on a watch and a bracelet which costs $30,000 total. Jermaine is not happy to spend the money, but he pretends that he is.

It’s party day, and Maestro can’t wait to show everyone a good time. He rolls up in a white Rolls Royce with Jermaine. Janet Jackson is nowhere to be seen. Also, neither are Maestro’s parents. Where are his parents, anyway?

The kids dance, take photos and have a good time at the party. It’s actually a tame party, at least compared to other Super Sweet 16 parties. His special guest performer is…someone I’ve never heard of?! I’m sorry, but I just I hate it when hip hop artists are on Super Sweet 16 because I always feel so square.

Maestro is called up on stage and Jermaine gives him an insanely large So So Def chain. The So So Def chain makes their relationship official.
We’re told that the party surpassed Maestro’s expectations, but I was a little bored. Where was the drama? Well, maybe his Super Sweet 18 birthday will be more tabloid-friendly.