We are on the journey of a lifetime that is for sure! The only problem is that it seems like everything is happening so fast that before you blink twice we will be kissing grandbabies. “Make the most of everyday, life is short” and other phrases all have new meaning to me as my family so quickly grows up.ÂÂ

It was only yesterday that I was a kid myself. I met my blushing bride, Wendy, when I was 22 years old — in July of 1982 to be exact. I must be old, huh? Anyway, I was from a broken home and one of my biggest desires in life was to have a family of my own that would be all that I envisioned a family should be. Wendy and I were married only four months later. Can you imagine? You meet someone and walk down the aisle a few short months later? I wonder how many people thought Wendy and I didn’t have a chance. I wonder how many people thought we were crazy. I guess it doesn’t matter what anyone thought because, by the grace of God, Wendy and I will be married for 25 years this November! Some things are just meant to be!

So, I guess in the end I can’t really say much about Michelle and Ben. They are so far ahead of where I was at 22; it is really a good thing. How can I be critical of Ben when he has been holding a full-time job for years, goes to school full time and works on his spiritual life by learning Christian values and faith?

In contrast, when I was 22, I was partying like there was no tomorrow, got kicked out of college because of poor academic performance, had a job selling door-to-door and was so far from God and what is right it couldn’t be measured. In fact, one of the old stodgy ministers at the church we were to be married at told us that we shouldn’t go through with it! He wouldn’t marry us! We had to go to a friend of Wendy’s family to find someone to marry us. Once we were married, God used Wendy to help me get my life on the right track! My marriage to Wendy changed my life. I don’t think the church leaders ever would have seen that happening.

So knowing full well where I came from, I still had huge reservations about Ben. Why? Every parent just wants what is best for their kids, and the strange irony is that no one will ever be good enough for your daughter at age 16, 17, 18, 19 or even 20. I think a lot of my concerns stem from the early age that they met. Imagine seeing your daughter getting into a relationship that young. It is not what a dad normally dreams about for their daughter. And Michelle is my firstborn! My baby. Ben could have been the Prince of Monaco and he would not have been able to win me over. Sorry, Ben.

Surprisingly, if Ben came along when Michelle was done with school, had her own her career and was at least 25, Ben’s arrival may have been welcomed. Same person, different timing. Should timing play such a big role in acceptance? Yes — go prove yourself, your character, your resolve to do the right thing and your love for my daughter and I may embrace you with open arms, or maybe not.

Seeing my daughter become someone’s wife, move out of our home and start her own family has proven to be more difficult than I would have imagined. I know it is the natural order of things. She is supposed to grow up and move on and start her own family. But still it is a difficult transition. I was depressed for two days after the wedding.

My family is shrinking. Perhaps some of my “wanting to hang on” is related to the worst possible tragedy that can happen to a parent. We had to bury our middle child, Joey, at the tender age of 10. What a horrible thing to happen.

Joey was born with Down syndrome and had autism spectrum disorder. He died due to the negligence of many people. This loss is the most heart-wrenching pain that can be imagined. This is <i>not</i> what we perceive to be the natural order of things. Parents are not supposed to outlive their children. If we didn’t have the confidence that Joey is in heaven and we will see him again someday, I don’t think I could bare it. In fact, without faith, I don’t think our family would be anywhere near what we are today. Finding faith, this is how we live, this is how we die.ÂÂ

It may sound silly but perhaps in some strange way any transition in my family regarding the children moving out is connected somehow to the abrupt and sad moving out of Joey. Everything we have done as parents is to prepare all the kids to fly on their own. But somehow, when I let go of Michelle there was at least a twinge of regret, a twinge of sadness for the nostalgia of yesterday.

Even though Joey has moved out and up to heaven, away from us in the most permanent of ways on earth, the power of his life and the beauty of his soul live on in Joey’s Gift, an organization that we started. While Joey never learned to speak, his life is directly impacting families who are taking care of children with special needs. Through Joey’s Gift we are focused on bringing the community together in support of family caregivers who take care of loved ones with special needs. Because of Joey’s impact on our family we are involved in things that we otherwise never would have imagined on our own. We have hope in the future and Joey lives on!

Now that it looks like my little chickadee is flying on her own, we can look toward the horizon with hope that now our family will actually grow again! It may be shrinking for the short-term, but long-term we are growing! But Michelle ? there is no hurry for me to become a grandfather! Take you time with the growing family part! You still have a 6-year-old brother; he should be at least 16 before he can be an uncle.

We are blessed with five children — Michelle, Amy, Joey, Jennifer and Bobby. We love them all dearly and want them to grow in stature and favor with God and man. And someday in the future we will meet our children’s kids and also love them like our own. What a wonderful world!

Once the wedding was over, this thought overrode any negative fear that Michelle may have made a mistake. It was the one thought that helped everything make sense.

I can’t fight the inevitable for my daughter. She is called. I believe with all my heart that one of her purposes in life is to bring blessing and prosperity to the Wright line! Ben’s line was on the verge of collapse — no other brothers, no male Wright cousins that I know about.

Could it be that Michelle has been chosen by God to become the central female figure in the future Wright family? I know Ben’s family might not see this yet, but I never really saw anything more clearly. It will be no surprise when I see Michelle have her third Wright son and those sons bringing honor and life to the Wright family. Won’t it be fun to see, 60 years from now, our Michelle as the central female figure of a huge family? Wow, how can I fight it?

Ben, welcome to our family! I will learn to love you and bless you over the years as you take care of our most precious gift, Michelle, the future matriarch of the Wright line. Onward and upward Michelle and Ben Wright.

– Bob Minotti

Find out more about Joey’s Gift here.